Step right up folks! Grab your ticket for Sasquatch on Ice - or should I say Sasquatchette on Ice. She is dressed in a pretty blue dress and has great music. Her legs turn to jello and can't push or crossover. Her shoulders are up around her ears and her back is hunched over.
I guess you can tell that I didn't have the greatest outing today. I thought that anything would be an improvement over the last competition where I forgot the last third of my program, but alas, I managed to make it worse. I didn't fall, but the program was slow and it looked like I had forgotten how to skate!
I really don't know why I compete. I hate every minute of it. I hate how my knees and legs hurt after skating a million hours a week to get ready. I hate that I have to "push" myself by putting more difficult elements in my program that make me ten thousand times more nervous. I hate the way I feel when I warm-up. I hate feeling like a fool when I skate horribly. I hate feeling that I look like a crappy skater to my friends and family. I guess I just hate it.
People always ask me if I had fun after I skated my program. The answer about 95% of the time is "no." It is agonizing and I can't wait to get off of the ice. I can't wait to go and get my skates and dress off and get the heck out of there. I love skating. I love my coach. I hate competition.
I started competing because I didn't think that I was that bad of a skater. I thought that I was pretty good, in fact. Competing has literally scrubbed that out of me. I feel like I need to go back to the drawing board and start building from the ground up. Honestly I have no idea what I need to do. Sit and reassess, I guess.
I have my artistic program on Sunday. I like that program. I have fun skating that program. Maybe I will have a more uplifting post Sunday afternoon.
