I tried not writing about my upcoming competition (yesterday) in the hope that maybe the skating goddess would share some positive mojo with me as I stepped on the ice. I didn't have the typical nerves leading up to this competition that I usually do and I was practicing fairly well. One horrible development this past week was that my right boot decided that it wanted to totally break down and allow my heel to slosh around back and forth. I tried to tie it tight enough for my foot to be locked in and that just cut the circulation off to my toes - not good.
My artistic was first and usually my better event. I did not have my best outing on that one. My boot was loose and my knees were even looser. I stumbled on a simple salchow and looked like Bambi. I missed 1st place by one judge although I don't know how!
Then came the freeskate. Now this is the one I usually freak out about - the elements are more difficult and I am not as comfortable with the whole shooting match. But during the warm-up I felt pretty good. I was landing my jumps, spins were solid, footwork was not too bad. I skated second, so I didn't watch the gal ahead of me. I went out and skated what I thought was the best I have done that program in competition. I felt pretty good coming off of the ice. The major thing was I WAS NOT NERVOUS! I had nervous energy, but never once did I feel shaky or wobbly out there. I executed my program to the best of my ability at that very moment and I felt good.
The judges did not think so. Last place again. Needless to say, I was crushed and very disappointed. I kind of watched the gal that skated after me and was not impressed so... what does that say about my skating? I must look horrible!
I managed to control my nerves and that was a major hurdle for me. I have tried everything under the sun to help me manage those butterflies and I was able to do it on my own. The second hurdle is going to be harder for me to clear and that is to improve on my on-ice presence.
So, I have decided (without talking to my coach yet) that I am going to take some time off from competition - maybe only do artistic for awhile, so I can focus on becoming a more graceful and poised skater.
Lots of people say to me - "Well, at least you get out there and compete!" But that is not enough for me. I don't want to look like an idiot out there which is what I must look like. This last hurdle seems a million light years away from me right now - but just like my nerves, I will be able to clear this someday too.
