Remember the work issue? Well it just keeps blowing up in my face just when I think it is gone. I am actually writing through tears right now, but I think that it will help to focus on skating for a bit.
Today was not a total loss on the ice. I was able to almost finish my program on time. I landed most of my jumps clean. My sit spin may become a scratch for this competition. But the big breakthrough for me today was that I breathed. I know what you are thinking - well of course you were breathing or else you would be dead! That is not the kind of breathing that I am talking about. I breathed deeply between each element of my program. I only skated one element at a time and tried to skate it strong and with conviction. I started my program with my chin held high and my arms strong. I pressed my shoulders down so I would not look like Frankenstein. My coach said, "You did the best you could" which could mean - "OK not too bad" or "Well... there ya go." I felt like I had moved a mountain.
I don't have high expectations for this weekend. My hope is that I don't fall and I don't place dead last. I will be putting myself on the ice, so I don't have to worry about letting my coach down in person. But most of all, I hope that I can just breathe and let the world escape from me for just a few moments. I think I deserve that.
